Dallas, USA

I visited Dallas just because it was there. I had to stopover anyway and hey, when will I ever go there again? Well that pretty much depends on whether I fly American again, as it is their home base. And after yet another experience of their mystifying seating policy hopefully not anytime soon (what shall we do with 40 ten year olds on a school trip? Let's spread them throughout the plane one by one so they have further to throw things and shout to one another. Great idea).

After much excitement at a return to civilisation and proper plumbing, as well as supermarkets without so much dust on the shelves, I set about seeing the highlights of Dallas. The main stuff revolves, of course, around the assassination of John F. Kennedy in November 1963. You can see the School Book Depository, and it is now a museum about the presidency and the events of that day. There are conspiracy theorists hanging around outside the building trying to sell you magazines about what really happened. You can stand on the grassy knoll (and of course I did) and also in almost the same spot as Lee Harvey Oswald supposedly sat in the school book depository, and there is a cross on the road where the fatal shot hit the president. It appears Oswald probably did shoot JFK, according to the evidence, but maybe he had help. It would have been a much easier shot from the grassy knoll in my opinion....

Another day I went to Fort Worth, the city of Cowboys and culture. A little bit of a long shot when the culture includes the Cowgirl museum and the Cowboy Hall of Fame.....(and stretching it on the 'Cowboy' when the Hall of Fame includes Tommy Lee Jones). Anyhoo, I of course went to the Cowgirl museum, which was mostly about Cowgirls in the movies, etc. And it had the Cowgirl Hall of Fame. Walking back from there I....ahem....stumbled upon an arena where there were real live proper cowboys and girls involved in a competition. They had all brought their horses and were doing cattle separating exercises (I think it has a proper name but I can't remember sorry). It was most exciting because they were clearly there for the competition, yet were all dressed just like the movies in jeans, checked shirts, spurs and cowboy hats. It was great to watch for a while. The Fort Worth stockyards used to be used for the sale of cattle, but are now a tourist attraction where you can buy cowboy hats (Yes, I did), there are cowboys in the street answering questions, and you can watch them herd cattle twice a day at 11 and 4, so I saw the touristy side of things as well.

The third day I went and worshipped at the one religion that brings all Americans together....I went shopping at the mall. Since many of my clothes were literally falling apart after 2 months in central America, I felt it was justified.

Alas, this concludes the 'holiday' portion once and for all. I am now in Vancouver, and have to do serious grown up stuff like get a job, and an apartment....Boo hoo. I hope you have enjoyed reading this and I have not been a bore, telling you about all these lovely things I am doing while you are not....

Apologies for the lack of photos, apparently the North Americans have realised it is not a great idea to let everyone plug random stuff into public computers. I shall post them all online when I have my laptop. Cheers me dears :)

Dallas, USA

Things I learnt in Central America...........

-Every nightclub should have a dog as a mascot

-Plumbing is a relative term (and shouldn't include sawdust)

-If something is broken there is always a way around it rather than fixing it (including major roads with great gaping holes)

-Water and electricity need not be separated (apparently)

-If a vehicle moves more than a metre without a push it is roadworthy

-If you think about health and safety you will drive yourself bonkers....it is much better just to let it all go (even the chicken buses near the cliffs) and give regular offerings to the travel gods (I found cocktails did the job)

-Never go anywhere without sunscreen and bug repellent. And a raincoat. Never EVER!

-The panti ripper cocktail is not as interesting as it sounds

-The bigger the gun the small the value of what is being protected (the guy at the bank is lucky to get a baton: the guy guarding the service station toilets has an AK-47. God forbid you use the wrong toilets).

-Never eat ice cream from a shop that smells like fish. You will regret it.

-I never want to eat chicken, rice and beans again (I thought it was going to be Mexican food! Ha!).

-Becoming a Mayan priestess isn't as hard as you think

And you know you're in America again when.....

-People in Texas have a harder time understanding your English than the Mexicans did your Spanish

-They then ask you to talk just to listen to your accent

-You get accosted on the shuttle from the airport by Garibeth from Mary Kay who is not put off by the fact you don't live in the same country and offers you a virtual makeover

-You get a little too excited at having a proper bathroom with no bin beside the toilet (but you still make the mistake a few times....)

Mexico City, Mexico

My final stop in Mexico was Mexico City itself. I had planned to just fly out of there but some friends convinced me otherwise and I am glad they did. It has great museums and another ancient culture again, the Aztecs. But hey, if you thought the Mayans were bloodthirsty they were nothing compared to the Aztecs, who used to wear their enemies' skin after they had sacrificed them, and there are reports that thousands of people were killed in a day by the Aztecs. So there are temples in (and underneath) Mexico City, some still with murals, etc intact. The only issue is the whole of Mexico City is sinking as it was built on a lake....the aztec temples are very skewiff, and I went to a famous church which has sunk so much there are steps down now, to get the the steps into the church.

I visited Teotihuacan, another major site, however they still don't even know who built it. The Aztecs came along and found it and thought because the buildings were so big it must have been built by the gods (the Spanish, who considered themselves so advanced, thought it must have been built by giant men, and even sent a bone from a woolly mammoth to Spain to try and prove it to the King). There are big temples of the moon and the sun that you can climb, though not so high anymore. Six months ago some Japanese scientists came to research the place, dug some holes and made one of the temples start to collapse. They left in disgrace, obviously, and will not be welcome back anytime soon. Also that day I went to the church of the Virgin of Guadelupe, the most famous church in Mexico. Pilgrims walk in on their knees to see her miraculous image that appeared on a cloak. She is meant to give hope when all hope is lost.

There is a square in the City called Plaza Garibaldi, where all the Mariachis looking for work go and flag down cars to arrange gigs at private parties. They also sing for you at about $10 a song. They are literally everywhere there, standing on the Plaza and the road. One Mariachi (after interrogating me about why I didn't have a man with me, and telling me about all the boyfriends for me in Mexico) offered to sing me an Australian song if I told him what it was. I was tempted to ask if he knew Tie me Kangaroo down, sport, but didn't think that joke would work somehow. Speaking of entertainment though, I went to see Lucha Libre, Mexican wrestling. It is very similar to WWE, but in Spanish, obviously, and the wrestlers wear masks to hide their identity. It is also more politically incorrect, with a very camp wrestler who won by pulling people's hair, and...ahem....little people who came in and did tricks. It was good fun though, and we got to see Mistico, the most famous wrestler, in his lime green sparkly leggings, and his aerial displays.

Mexico City also has the homes of Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera (and their artwork), and Trotsky (the Russian leader who was kicked out by Stalin) which are interesting to see (Trotsky's especially because they slowly bricked up most of the doors and windows as he got more paranoid about Stalin's men coming to find him. Unfortunately they did in the end).

That marks the end of my Central American journey (though apparently Mexico is North America. Minor detail). From here I moved to Dallas, so stay tuned.....

Mexico City, Mexico

The Mexican story so far....Playa Del Carmen, Merida and Palenque. Lots of awesome ruins, relaxing and plenty of crappy Spanish (as well as fantastic Spanglish). The continuation....

I arrived in San Cristobal de Las Casas expecting to like it, just for the name alone (though I had also heard great things), and I was not disappointed. It was cooler than most of Central America, such a relief for starters. It is another sweet colonial town with a centre square, cathedral and very Spanish imitation feeling. It is surrounded by indigenous Mexican tribes, which still carry on their traditions to this day. There are around 20 (very different) tribes just around San Cristobal. One of the best experiences of the whole trip involved a tour with Caesar to some of these villages. We went to one where the women wear black wool skirts and shiny satin shirts, and the men wear big woolly vests and cowboy hats (It didn't feel appropriate to take photos unfortunately). They have a church there which was built by the Spanish and was once Catholic, but the indigenous tribes have taken it back from the Vatican. When you go inside there are no pews, but pine needles all over the floor (a sacred tree for these people). There are saints around the room like a catholic church, but with mirrors on their chest to deflect the sunlight. People come and pray at whatever saint they need. They bring traditional healers with them as well, who bring chickens and wipe the chickens (and eggs, and tree branches) all over the person in need. They then wring the poor chicken's neck and bury it where it is good to do so for the problem they have (they don't eat it). The people also bring soft drinks to church in 5 different colours, and drink them to ward off evil spirits. There are candles laid out in rows (the number of candles divisible by 3) all over the floor. People pour holy alcohol (a locally made spirit a little like Tequila or Cachaxa) over the candles and the floor to ward off spirits and assist in healing as well. Ignoring the obvious numerous fire hazards, it was the most fascinating church I've ever been inside.

The same day, we went and visited a traditional leader's home. These people nominate for the position and it costs them a lot of money, they have to move house to the leader's home, and set up a shrine in the house to the saint that they are responsible for, they have to buy the saint clothes and perform ceremonies, but the prestige is enormous. This pocket of Mexico is fairly removed from the rest, and the laws are not applied in the same way. Any man who commits a crime is put in the jail on public display for three days, and if that happens three times they are thrown out of town. Women aren't put on display, but the same rules apply. Anyone who marries outside the tribe is thrown out of town. There are evangelists everywhere there for some reason, and if people convert to Christianity they are thrown out of town too. The evangelists put ads in the newspapers and pamphlets  everywhere trying to convert people; the sheer arrogance of it made me question donating to Christian charities doing work in Central America (some of the biggies are involved). We also saw how a traditional family live, and make their money selling weavings to the tourists. In all a fascinating day.

Also in San Cristobal was a Mayan Traditional Medicine Centre with a fairly graphic video on how Mayan women give birth, and other museums and interesting bits and pieces (Including an Irish pub with a band playing 'Acid Cabaret'. Apparently this involves Robbie Williams and Madonna songs, sung with a Mexican accent and combined with obscure Spanish songs as well). It is also home of the Zapatistas, a guerilla organisation who demand basic human rights, pretty much, for the indigenous people, and there is art and movies, etc, relating to that. San Cristobal was captured briefly by the Zapatistas in around 1996 to get attention, but things are all calm now. I also did a trip to the kilometre high Sumidero canyon, like something out of Jurassic Park (and there were proper crocodiles, too).

From there I headed to Oaxaca (say it wa-haka), with it's own different indigenous people, artistry and culture. Oaxaca is not in the Mayan area so much, and I went to Mitla, which is Zapotec in origin and has carvings of geometric patterns that many people would associate with Mexico. Also in that trip was a 2000 year old tree (it was very big), carpet weaving, hot springs and a really bad buffet.  The next day, I headed to Monte Alban, another Zapotec ruin (much bigger, but less intricate carvings saved). I also went to a factory where they make models of fantastic animals, horses with curly necks and wings, dragons, armadillos, etc and pain them in very bright colours, a very Oaxacan thing. There was music everywhere in Oaxaca, though a few too many accordians for my taste. However, there was bands in the centre square every night, and a group of amazing musicians from the university one night walking down the street and singing and playing instruments.

The last night I was in Oaxaca, waiting for the bus I bought myself a word finder to practice my Spanish (probably not a great one though; it was made for people to practice their english, though the puzzles were Spanish, and even I saw there were a lot of very interesting translations. So if you meet a Mexican who thinks pears belong in a swimming pool, you know why). I was sitting at a restaurant table in the centre square doing my puzzles and listening to the band (Hard life, I know) when one of the kids selling items came along and started telling me how to do it. This created a lot of interest and soon about four of them dumped their items for sale and sat at my table doing the puzzles. I learnt about all their infighting, and that some of the girls were very bossy! There was a lot of discussion and telling off if the puzzle wasn't done properly, and a lot of eating of limes with salt and chilli (it is really very good). They then saw my camera and took about 20 photos of wach other (mostly of them hiding from one another, so a lot of pictures of the table really).

Palenque, Mexico

Mexico is a big un. So big in fact that I have taken the executive decision to divide this country into two, fairly arbitrarily, based entirely on my whims and travel plans. Part One: Playa Del Carmen, Merida and Palenque.

We arrived in Playa Del Carmen from Belize after a loong 12 hour journey, but to a lovely hotel with a pool in the middle (strange how the starting and finishing hotels on the tour are the only good ones? Hmm, call me cynical.....). In Playa I spent time vegetating, namely getting a massage and pedicure, bumming at the beach, shopping, scuba diving (where I saw a giant eel, sting rays, and a massive puffer fish eating a conch! Way cool). Playa felt like the most touristy place on the face of the earth after the rest of Central America, and little like Mexico at all. It was full of Americans, and chain stores and high prices. It was lovely for a couple of days, but felt like the theme park version of Mexico (apparently Cancun is 10 times worse, I cant imagine).

From Playa I was now on my own, and headed to Mérida, in the Yucatan province. On the way I went to Chichen Itzá, a very important Mayan site with a most excellent 6 step pyramid. A little of it was reconstructed, but not too much. There were archeologists everywhere digging stuff up, which was interesting to watch. There was also a building covered in decapitated heads, a massive ball court and a sacred well (cenote) where they threw offerings (jade, jewellry, people, etc) to the gods.

The same day I went to Mérida, which is another colonial town (Mexico appears to be full of them, though they are all slightly different). It is a great place to wander around, and there is music everywhere on the streets. I went to see a 40s band play and watched all the elderly Mexican couples get up and dance. Some of them can really move! One of the singers was having a documentary being made about him, so watch out for me on Mexican television next year. The main sight there is a great museum which includes the skulls of deformed Mayans, and detailed descriptions on how and why they did that (As a mark of beauty, they tied planks on their childrens heads from the age of a few months). From Mérida I went to Celestún on the coast, and watched flamingoes eating and flying about in the shallow water (and our poor, inexperienced guide get stuck in the shallows and choke the motor of the boat about 6 times. He was very pleasant to watch though.).

My next stop was Palenque, a fairly average town set up for tourists to get to the ruins of the same name. These were spectacular, and had another excellent pyramid. Inside the pyramid they found a tomb of the emperor Pakal, who considered himself a god. Because it was protected from the weather the stuff inside the tomb, which has been moved to the museum nearby, is in perfect condition. There was also Mayan houses and ?maybe toilets there, the jury is out on that one.

Part Two contains San Christobal, Oaxaca and Mexico City, and includes the death of more than one chicken, alcohol in church, Zapotecs and word puzzles......

Apologies for the lack of apostrophes, I have keyboard issues....Photos to come.

caye caulker, Belize

Firstly I must correct a glaring omission and tell you about hot waterfalls in Guatemala, despite this being a Belize blog. Anyway, on the way to Tikal (not long before we left Guatemala, thus my slight confusion) we stopped at a spring which had lovely swimming water (not too hot or cold) with a really hot waterfall coming down over rocks above. It was great fun to swim in, apart from the fish which kept biting us. Apparently they were cleaning up our dead skin (they went for my mosquito bites) but it got somewhat tiresome after a while, and took away only slightly from the excitement of the hot waterfall.

On to Belize, which is a bit of an anomaly in Central America. English is an official language, and it is more Caribbean in flavour than anywhere else. Firstly we went tubing through caves. That is, we hired a big inner tube, walked 45 minutes and then plopped into the water and floated down river, through two enormous caves. One had a waterfall inside. We had torches on our heads to see where we were going, but it was quite eerie. Soooo relaxing.

The next day, we also went caving. Caves were very important to the Mayans; they sacrificed people down there and took pots and objects down there to smash (to let the spirits out). They believed the Gods lived in the caves. We had to walk 45 minutes through rainforest, then rappel (hmm...abseiling without so much safety equipment) down into the cave. From there we went into the depths of a mountain, through some very small and steep spaces, and saw bones of sacrificed people and broken pots exactly as they were left by the Mayans 1500 years ago or so. We turned our lights off at one point and it was the darkest, quietest place imaginable. There was also incredible cave formations - it is called Crystal Cave because it is so spectacular.

We then left the caves behind and moved onto Caye Caulker, an island off the coast of Belize. It was split in two by a hurricane in the 1980s and now you can swim ´through´ the island. It is very small, with basically one main road. The beaches are incredible, just like any advert for Caribbean islands you have

ever seen. We spent a bit of time here consuming cocktails at the split (hey, they were cheap, and gooood). One day we spent snorkelling, which has to be the most incredible snorkelling I have ever done. The coral was pretty, yes, but we saw masses of animals. When we arrived at the first place, we saw 3 manatees (´sea cows´) at the bottom of the ocean, and watched them came up for air. At the second, nurse sharks and other fish encircled the boat, and we jumped in the water (so technically I have swum with sharks now!). In the water we saw multitudes of fish and sting rays as well, and an octopus. At the last spot, we saw a turtle eating grass on the bottom of the ocean, and again watched it surface for air and swim away. We also saw eagle rays (like spotted sting rays), moray eels and amazing fish. Seeing all those animals in the wild, and not even really noticing us, was absolutely incredible.

Sadly, however, that completes our stay in Belize. Our next stop was Playa Del Carmen in Mexico. But thats another blog...

PS The title is apparently the Belize governments advertising logo. Eeek!

flores, Guatemala

Guatemala is forever known to me now as the place where you can do things that would not be legal anywhere else, mainly because of health and safety concerns. These things do not seem to occur to Guatemalans, or they disregard them if they do. We arrived from Nicaragua into Antigua, just outside Guatemala City, in the middle of June. This is a pleasant colonial town where lots of Americans go to learn Spanish, thus, slightly ironically, more English is spoken here than anywhere we´ve been. It is surrounded by volcanoes,

some active and smoking. Better yet, our first task was to climb nearby Volcan Pacaya with the purpose of poking lava with a stick. We left in the afternoon on the bus, purchased our lava poking sticks and started the walk. It is uphill but not difficult most of the way. When you get to the volcano itself though, you are crawling over loose volcanic rocks which start landslides if you make a wrong move. They are also very sharp and thus difficult to grasp. Combined with sand 3 inches thick that you sink into every time you move, the last little bit was tricky. It was also slightly disconcerting when it started to rain and the guide reminded us that we shouldn´t breathe in the fumes as they are toxic. However, we made it to the top, where we had plans to take photos together of the aforesaid lava poking, toast marshmellows and generally have a small fiesta up there. That all changed when we got there and our shoes started to melt. We had not counted on just how hot lava is, a slight miscalculation. It was very risky poking lava (despite the stupid tourist standing right in front of the lava flow) and the radiant heat was incredible; our cameras were getting very hot, my sneakers started to melt into the rocks and we all but forgot the marshmellows. You could look down and see lava between the rocks under your feet. Thus I reiterate my first point: it is unlikely there are many other places in the world where this can be done. But god it was awesome.

We left Antigua, then, for Lake Atitlan which is formed, yes you guessed it, by volcanoes. After a large eruption a long time ago the lake was formed, and it is 300 metres deep in places. It is also close to a famous market in the town of Chichicastenago (which apparently translates to ´place of poison oak´) where we did some shopping. Well, my backpack was much heavier after Lake Atitlan for sure. Chichi also has a fantastic church which is Catholic but allows Mayan traditions down the centre aisle. Apart from that, it was a relaxing place to be, especially as it rained almost the entire time we were there. Well, it is technically rainy season.

The next part of the trip can be dealt with briefly. We returned to Antigua for 2 days where I relaxed, wandered around and saw the sights. We then went on to Rio Dulce where we drunk far too much rum and played an extremely interesting game of ´I never´....The hotel there was pretty awful and there were more bugs than I ever want to see again in the rest of my life. We took a trip to Livingston which is a town made by shipwrecked African slaves a few hundred years ago, where their descendants still live, so it was quite different to the rest of Guatemala. The boat ride there was beautiful (despite the significant hangover).

We then moved to Flores, which is a base to explore Tikal, the largest excavated Mayan site in the world. After a small mishap on the first night where we had to hire a boat to rescue the tour leader from the ocean, we set off at 5am the next morning for Tikal. It was worth getting up early to avoid the heat, the bugs and the tourists. You are still able to climb most of the monuments (another few ´only in Guatemala´ moments there) and the views are stunning from the top. Although the temples have been excavated, most of Tikal is still surrounded by jungle so you can see monuments poking out of the trees all over the place. We learnt a lot about how bloodthirsty the Mayans were (it was a double edged sword winning a football match as you were likely to be sacrificed. The good news is they would decapitate you quickly rather than pulling out your ribs or spinal bones one by one, like they did with their prisoners. Nice.) The jungles around Tikal are full of animals, and we saw howler monkeys, spider monkeys, toucans and strange animals like anteaters that I have forgotten the name of.

Our next stop is Belize, which somehow managed to blow the rest of this away....

Copan, Honduras

Our first night in Honduras was spent in the capital, Tegucigalpa, whose name is the most exciting thing about it. It was basically a pitstop between Nicaragua and the Caribbean coast of Honduras and was most remarkable for incredible streets of muddy water flowing when we arrived and a large shopping mall where we spent the night looking at American chain stores. It is also apparently full of middle aged men who think it is somehow appealing to whistle and yell at foreign girls on the street. Hmmm Tegus does not come highly recommended then, I guess.

Following the delightful period spent in Tegus, we headed to Utila, one of the Bay Islands on the Caribbean coast of Honduras. Despite pouring rain when we arrived (somewhat of a theme for our stay in Honduras) the rest of the stay was pretty sunny. Our first morning we hired a boat and went to our own Caribbean island for the morning. It was around 20 metres wide and 100 metres long, but there was not another soul on it, and it was surrounded by beautiful coral reefs and fish (and jellyfish, grr). So we spent the morning snorkelling, relaxing on the beach and feeling aftershocks of the large earthquake that hit close by a few weeks earlier. On our own Caribbean island!

The next day and a half was spent learning to scuba dive! We had a theory afternoon, where you watch movies made by PADI (Professional Association of Diving Instructors) which have some of the cheesiest jokes imaginable (Fact: Scuba divers are 'underachievers') and some very useful information such as how to put on a wetsuit (If only I'd known that earlier....). The next day we had some theory and practicing of techniques (such as don't panic when you have no air kind of stuff) close to shore. In the afternoon we did two dives to 12 metres, learning more stuff and swimming with the fishes!) and now I am a qualified scuba diver. I can do some more time in Belize or Mexico and become an open water diver, able to go to 30 metres. We will see how the funds are.

That night in Utila, we went to one of the most amazing bars ever, possibly what would have happened if Gaudi had been stuck on a Caribbean island with an endless supply of beer bottles. It was called the TreeTanic and there were mosaics and separate little sections everywhere, swings and platforms. And cheap cocktails, of course.

We then headed to Copan, for the first of our Mayan ruin sites. The Mayans are apparently not happy about tourists coming to Copan, as we had no electricity almost the whole time we were there. The ruins are beautiful, though, and renowned for having the best hieroglyphics. If it were the olympics, Copan would win for beauty while Tikal would apparently win for strength, as it has all the biggest temples.

Our next stop is Guatemala, which involves getting very close to lava, and a lot of shopping....

granada, Nicaragua

After Costa Rica (and the news that we were on international television during the football match :-D) we headed to Ometepe, Nicaragua. The difference between the two countries was obvious, with far more poverty, and awfully unhealthy animals in Nicaragua. Apparently all the Nicas go to CR to provide cheap labour, and are accused of taking CR jobs...same argument as so many places in the world.

Ometepe is an island on Lake Nicaragua made up of two volcanoes with a small isthmus in between. We had a lovely hotel that smelled strongly of the horses located next door. Some of the rooms even had bonus bedmates in the form of various creepy crawlies, but I was denied that pleasure. We only had one full day here, during which you could do an eight hour hike up a dormant volcano to see a lake, or relax on the beach....I relaxed. We did go for a 7km walk to see really cool petroglyphs on our day of relaxation, so I feel justified in taking the easier option.

Following a chicken ferry ride with water on the floor and significant listing during the journey (the kind where you don´t see sky), followed by a short stint with 16 people in the back of a utility truck, we then arrived in Granada. This is a beautiful old decaying colonial town in the heart of Nicaragua. We had a few days here which we spent wandering the town, taking art classes (I have the best mosaic pottery bowl this side of Antigua, which some lucky person may be getting for Christmas.....), shopping, watching drum bands rehearse and generally trying to stay out of the heat. With no aircon in the hotel this mostly involved taking several showers a day and drinking lots of cheap cocktails. And rocking chairs. Central Americans seem to have some strange affinity for this piece of furniture, and it shows up everywhere....even in seating areas at the front of bars. It´s actually something I think should be extended to the rest of the world as they are pretty comfortable and quite soothing. It may even stop drunken violence because everyone is so relaxed...just a suggestion.

We quickly moved on to Honduras, but that is another story....

san jose, Costa Rica

Our Costa Rican adventure begins with the most exciting border crossing ever. Imagine an old rickety railroad bridge with some extra planks of wood placed on it, but not fixed to it in anyway. Imagine it is just the size of the large trucks that have to cross it, and pedestrians jumping out of the way onto the rusty side bridge for fear of their lives, avoiding flying planks of wood, having noticed the extremely bald tyres on the trucks, and I think you get the idea of what it is like crossing from Panama into Costa Rica. Great fun!

Our stay began in Puerto Viejo de Talamanca, a town on the Caribbean coast. It is full of Rastafarians and drug-addled backpackers. We hired bikes and rode around the area one day, and I magically managed to spot a sloth. It moved its head slightly in the 10 minutes we were there, and thus lived up to its reputation. We also trekked through spider webs and pushed our bikes uphill to find a secret chocolate factory, though the chocolate was slightly strange (we weren´t quite convinced it was chocolate, though the sign and the surly teenager said so). Puerto Viejo has beautiful beaches, lots of nightlife and very cheap drinks. I will stop there for fear of incriminating myself as this is open to all.

There is a beautiful national park we strolled around for a few hours and it was what everyone imagines Costa Rica to be like... Capuchin monkeys (trying to steal our lunch), Howler monkeys that make the forest sound like dinosaurs are coming (we had a Jurassic Park moment), bright blue and red crabs, giant bright blue butterflies the size of sideplates and more sloths. Apart from stunning beaches and a fair amount of heat.

On the way from the beach to the city we went white water rafting up to class IV on the Rio Pacuaré which was fantastic. The river is in many movies, where you pass tall thin waterfalls, indigenous settlements and pristine rainforest. All that plus rafting one of the best rivers in the world? Can´t be beaten.

We then ventured to San José where some of the group changed. By far the best experience in San José was being able to get tickets to see the football - Costa Rica versus the USA. It was a world cup qualifier for next year. We paid scalpers three times the value of the tickets to get in as the stadium was only 24,000 people. We got great positions on concrete steps at one end behind the goal, on a stand which shook every time people moved. I hear they are building a new stadium, which is a good thing since it is surely only a matter of time before that one collapses. We figured out if you jump up and down with everyone else you don´t notice it so much. Not sure if that helps overall though...We got there a couple of hours before the match and the build up was intense. Obviously

the whole crowd was following Costa Rica (including us, we decided it was the safest option) apart from a few stray US tourists who tried to incite the crowd with US flags (there´s always someone...). Some of us had red CR shirts, some of us had our faces painted with the flag (though he was not the best artist, it was difficult to make out the CR flag on some). Major corporations were giving out lots of free things, we got cookies and foam fingers and noise makers (which were the most useful of all). Then the match started, and Costa Rica scored two goooooooools in the first half (Thus the chant which has become the title of this piece. It´s the only one we knew the words to). There was some other chants we knew some of the words to, but the CR fans had quite a repertoire. They scored again in the second half and started singing about going to Mexico (I think that´s where the next round is) then the umpire made some decisions that were not appreciated by the crowd and we learnt a lot of Spanish swear words. USA scored a goal in the 92nd minute, but CR are still top of their group. Despite the ominous wire fences keeping us in (and the airport level security searches on the way in) there were no issues with behaviour (apart from some stupid Americans).

After San José we went to La Fortuna, a tourist town which sits at the base of the Arenal Volcano. It is a nice place to while away a couple of days, with hot springs (we went to one with 20 different pools, plus the most dangerous waterslide in the world. There was a head injury but everyone is now ok). We also went on the wettest, most miserable rainforest walk ever (even the animals weren´t stupid enough to be out) followed by watching the volcano spew lava out, which was pretty amazing. It was very angry.

Our last stop in Costa Rica is Monteverde, an area settled by American Quakers escaping the National Draft. They started a cheese factory (of all things) where we basically learnt that Costa Ricans don´t really like cheese and prefer tasteless rubbery stuff, and that you shouldn´t give cheese a chocolate flavour. It is just bizarre. Monteverde is known as an area of ´cloud forests´ where, of course, one goes ziplining and on a Tarzan swing. Ziplining, for those unfamiliar, is like massive flying foxes stretched across the canopy of the rainforest. I am slightly dubious about the environmental credentials of such an exercise, but it was pretty good fun, with the longest zipline 1 kilometre long (where all the girls had to go with a guide and his legs wrapped around their waist. Interesting...). The Tarzan swing is like a bungy jump though not as high. Two men ran around at the bottom trying to catch you and mostly succeeded in pulling your shoes off, so I feel lucky that I did not sacrifice my Asics to the rainforest.

Costa Rica was amazing, and everything I expected. The wildlife were particularly good. I am now halfway through Nicaragua but will save that for another time.....

Panama City, Panama

After a most lovely flight over the Florida Keys and Cuba I arrived in Panama City on the 20th May and there was a tour waiting for me, thankfully. Panama City is big and noisy and the roads are great at giving you an adrenaline rush just trying to cross. They have the best buses I have seen in a long time, old American school buses painted bright colours and with what I assume to be Panamanian superheroes. They tend to contribute a fairly large proportion of the noise to the city. The city has an old town which is incredibly run down, most of the colonial  buildings are completely in ruins, without roofs or walls in some cases.

Well of course I went to the Panama Canal, because frankly a trip to Panama just would not be complete without it. It is possible to go and view the locks (and even of course buy Panama Canal souvenirs). This trip rather educated me on just how complicated it is. I had some vague image of the Panama Canal as a bit of a river that boats sail through but no, it involves a bit more engineering than that. There are a series of locks at either ocean that raise the boats up to something like 80m above sea level and then back down again. They pull the ships along the locks with little trains and ropes. It is interesting to watch for half an hour or so (but not a whole lot longer).

After this we went to Santa Clara which is a beach....hmmm...town I guess, but not really a town. There was one restaurant which only served fried food and a pretty dodgy supermarket. We got hot dogs and tried to have a barbeque which educated us on the fact that Panamanian hot dogs are individually wrapped in plastic, a fact we did not realise until we had them in our mouths. Santa Clara has an unpatrolled beach with lots of scary riptides and jet skiers that almost drive over the top of you, so swimming wasn´t so relaxing.

Boquete was our next stop in Panama. It is a more touristy town in the mountains, and it was a welcome relief from the humidity of Panama City and the beach. We did a coffee tour and learnt about how it is made and, of course, how Panamanian coffee is the best in the world. We did a hike in the mountains to a waterfall which was really pretty, but we got a bit stuck coming back and hitched a ride in the back of a truck back to Boquete, as Panama buses run on Central American time (which is whenever they damn well please). We went horse riding in the mountains as well, not on a trail which was great fun (especially since it didn´t rain so much!). There is a wildlife sanctuary in Boquete which rescues injured and neglected animals which was interesting, especially the toucans who tried to eat our shoes.

Our last stop in Panama was Bocas Del Toro, a group of islands near the Costa Rican border. We had a couple of days here and went on a catamaran one day, hopping off for a bit of snorkelling every now and again. Such a hard life. Although the swarm of jellyfish at one snorkelling spot did add a certain edge to the venture (I was flippering for my life, if there is such a thing). The second day we caught a boat to Red Frog beach - there is not as many red frogs as the name would suggest, though eventually we saw a four tiny ones with black spots. Very cool. We then hiked through ankle deep mud to another beach and another hike to the boats, again through lots of mud. Glorious.  

Stay tuned for the following episode involving Costa Rica, sloths, Rastafarians and very sore gluteal muscles......

Miami, USA

Firstly, a slight addendum to my Hollywood experience. I had to go back to LA for a night to get my flight here to Miami, and decided to wander around Hollywood a little bit looking for a souvenir that I wouldn't be too embarrassed to admit I purchased (I didn't find one). Anyway, by good fortune or luck I happened upon the Terminator Salvation premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre and saw Christian Bale (who is the star and has been in my good books ever since he was in Little Women with Winona Ryder). At last, a star sighting where I knew the star's name! He was very close, doing interviews and getting his picture taken. I also saw a number of who I can only assume are US reality TV stars, and a guy from E news with waaaaay too much make-up on (It was fairly obvious because they had gone to about half a centimetre in front of his ears. I suppose it was only for facing the camera but I wonder what it would have looked like if he needed to turn his head). I may have made Entertainment Tonight (Da da da da da daaaaa) but I am not sure, it would have been in a 'excited crowd' scene. There was no escaping unfortunately. Anyway.....

Then I flew to Miami. I had no particular expectations for this city, and thought if I just spent 4 days on the beach it probably wouldn't be too much of an issue. However, it is a great place, one that I probably never would have thought to visit if I wasn't passing through. It has amazing architecture, Miami Beach is almost all Art Deco (which is probably my favourite kind of deco :-P), around 200 buildings or something. The beach is absolutely stunning, the weather is good most of the time, though a wee bit humid, with a few thunderstorms. I went on an Art Deco walking tour and bought the most hideously tacky flamingo candle-stick holder (it is fabulous, and has to be seen to be believed).

They have a 'Little Havana' in Miami because of the huge numbers of Cuban immigrants and refugees in Miami, and it is a really interesting place to visit. All the shop signs and writing is in Spanish, and most people speak Spanish rather than English (so I got to practice a bit more!). I met a Bay of Pigs veteran at the museum there who was held captive by Castro for nearly two years (until Kennedy bought their freedom with $62million in aid and tractors, apparently) and he was very interesting to talk to. He explained the invasion, and how disastrous it was (he says Kennedy abandoned them). They had no supplies because all the ships sank on the coral reefs outside the Bay of Pigs, and they needed planes which weren't supplied. With no food or water they had to surrender and got home 2 years later (they were sentenced to 30 years of hard labour by Castro). This man was not a fan of Castro (even before he was captured) and was fascinating to talk to.

On the way back from Little Havana I caught the bus and a classy fellow on there relieved himself and spilt a can of beer on the floor of the bus before he got off. Nevermind, it was a team bonding exercise for the rest of us and a lovely lady had an extra large bottle of hand sanitiser which she shared with everyone (she obviously travels the Miami buses regularly). The driver then went to a depot as obviously the bus needed cleaning, and kicked us all off. I was asking her where we were, and half of the passengers were still sitting on the bus, not understanding her telling them to go. She asked me if I spoke Spanish, obviously I got the only person in all of Miami that doesn't speak Spanish. Well, I can order tequila but I wasn't sure my Spanish extended to explaining that situation to a bunch of annoyed Cuban pensioners. With a mixture of crappy spanish on my part, a little bit of english from one man and a lot of hand signals (sweeping from the seats up and over to the door seemed to do the trick) they finally understood. After I left, I then remembered what would have been the right phrase, dammit.

I went to Key West for a day, which is closer to Cuba (90 miles away) than most of the US. It is considered 'kooky' even by the residents and it is lovely, although the downside is it has been discovered by cruise ships, and the Disney Magic cruise was in the day I went....oh well. It was Ernest Hemingway's home for some time, and I went to his place and saw his studio and his famous six-toed cats (they look like they have big paws, or thumbs). They have the 'southernmost' point of the US (which isn't even the most southern point of Key West) and lots of shipwreck and pirate museums. I also had to try Key Lime Pie....pretty good. The guy who sold it to me gave a lecture about how he made his and why it was the best, which probably wasn't necessary but I felt I couldn't leave.

I also visited the Everglades. It was a rather touristy little trip (I didn't quite realise when I booked) but I got to ride in an air boat just like Horatio Caine (without the looking for dead bodies part). There was loads of alligators everywhere, they come very close to the boat (apparently they have a brain the size of a pea. We bashed one in the head when we came back to the dock and it didn't seem to make a difference). They aren't all that scary compared to crocodiles though, they are relatively small and they don't even eat people. There was then an alligator wrestling demonstration and the opportunity to get your photo taken with one (I told you it was touristy) - I declined. It was all part of an Indian reservation whose Indian artifacts all seemed to be made in Canada or China, so I am a little dubious as to their authenticity.

Alas, my time in the US is almost at it's end (though my wallet is grateful). Onto Panama tomorrow, where hopefully I have a tour to join.

San Diego, USA

Well, I have started a little late, but I figure this is a better way to let you know what's going on with my trip, rather than sending emails and forgetting someone, as I always seem to.

I left oz on the 3rd of May, which seems a while ago now. My impression of Qantas did not improve during the 15 hour flight. I don't know why they bother sometimes, although I guess the food was marginally better than China South West. I flew to LA and stayed for a few days in a hotel where there was a chair in the shape of a hand in my room (I think it is meant to be funky). I saw famous people's houses...but Orlando Bloom did not come out to play unfortunately. I was very very touristy, jumping on stars on the Walk of Fame, seeing Hollywood stuff (including a famous guy, Ryan from the OC, whose real name still eludes me), Universal studios (which was awesome! I have some secret childish love of theme parks. How embarrassing to walk in and think it's exciting to see some guy dressed up as a life size version of Shrek. Anyway, moving on.).

I went to Venice Beach and got thoroughly sunburnt, thinking that because I was in the Northern Hemisphere they have the ozone layer and it would be ok for a short while. Perhaps that comes from living in the UK where I never got sunburnt. I thought it was because of the ozone layer but it's because it's NEVER SUNNY there! I realise my mistake now. Venice beach was excellent though, I got a toe ring but was seriously considering getting a body part pierced...couldn't decide what so went with the safer option. Venice beach is home to the wild and wacky in LA (that's saying something). Most of the homeless people hold up signs saying they want money for hookers and pot rather than tugging on the heartstrings. Points for honesty I suppose. I walked to Santa Monica beach which is not far from Venice, but much posher (or so they say. Anywhere with a ferris wheel and stands selling hot dogs is not that posh to me). It is where Baywatch was filmed, and I must say it was a bit of a relief not to see any stars that day.

I then flew to San Francisco, no flowers in my hair. Um, it's hilly. The cable cars are awesome fun (though a health and safety officer's

 nightmare I would imagine, with people hanging off the sides). I went and saw the Redwoods, the tallest trees in the world (after about 200 feet it's really hard to tell, but I believe them). And the usual, lovely touristy stuff in San Francisco like the Golden Gate Bridge (of which I have about 100 photos) and Alcatraz, and lots of really steep streets. I also saw a girl fight in the Apple Store (they have free internet, God Bless Apple) that security guards had to pull apart and bought the biggest strawberries I have ever seen, as big as my palm (I have grown an extra toe since eating them, but I'm sure that's not related?).

My grandmother will be pleased to know I went to church on Sunday in SF, but to a 'Methodist' church who during the service said they welcome everyone, including Jewish, Muslims, and atheists. My kind of church. It was the one in the movie 'Pursuit of Happyness' and they sing most of the service, gospel songs. I got given a pink corsage for mother's day (what are they trying to say?), and a fan to cool myself down when all the atmosphere overcame me, I guess. And I got to 'share the love' and hug and hold hands with a whole lot of strangers. It was great!

I then flew to San Diego because I had a few days spare before I fly to Miami on the 15th. I went to Seaworld because I had a joint ticket with Universal Studios. I was a bit sorry I went because by lunchtime I had concluded that Seaworld is just a prison for dolphins and whales who have committed no crime, and they have to perform idiotic tricks (which are impressive, despite myself) to get food. They had some rides which were mostly closed, except for one which I got soaked on and rode back on the bus with a wet butt the whole way. Don't go to the dolphin prison! It totally put me off visiting San Diego Zoo, which is just a bigger prison, really, despite being a world-renowned one.

San Diego otherwise is quite nice. It is only 13 miles from Mexico and has a cool Wild West sort of vibe. The hotel I am in apparently housed one of Wyatt Earp's establishments (up until now I wasn't convinced he was even a real person). Today I saw the Old Town, and went to the seafront where they (surprisingly enough) have lots of boats. There is an aircraft carrier and other military stuff which is not really my thing, but it has made me rather fonder of San Diego seeing all the Navy SEALs training shirtless on the beach.

Tomorrow I am back to LA for one night then flying to Miami on the 15th for 5 days before Central America (Yay! Despite GAP cancelling the Mexico part of my tour, the cowards! Swine flu, pah.) I will update at some point in the future....